thursday

Thursdays are my day off. Usually I spend them getting things done before the weekend-- cleaning, running errands, making a good meal for supper. But today I struggled to wake up, and when I did, I wasn't worth much. It was cloudy and cold outside. I had a headache and a puffy face and a few sympathy cookies for breakfast. When I finally showered and remembered that I was out of shampoo, I resorted to using Ryan's cheapie stuff . . . and that was the end of it. If the hair is ruined, so is the rest of the day, I told myself. I got dressed in a big, soft shirt and parked it on the couch for a good chunk of the day. Eventually I felt snappy enough to accomplish a couple things on my to-do list and eat a healthy lunch, but I didn't make myself feel too badly for loafing the morning away. Growing a baby is hard work, and whatever, ok? A day devoted to online window shopping and my favorite old book isn't the worst thing in the world.

Over Memorial Day weekend, we . . .

 ate lots of strawberries . . .

 brought breakfast and 10 loads of laundry to the laundromat . . .

 made our first angel food cake together . . .

 slept in and shopped for baby . . .

 discovered some cheek-pinching worthy photos of Ryan at Grandma B's house . . .

 spent a beautiful afternoon at the zoo with the Schapekahms where. . .

 "Uncle Wyan" got lots of love and attention . . .

 I leaned on lots of railings (my feet) . . . 

 Henry and Oliver peeked at all the animals with very important sight-seeing equipment . . .

and poor little Henry missed the last carousel ride by literally 24 seconds. (Do you see that face? He was  so. sad.)

Not pictured: the massive amounts of foot rubs I received from Ryan. 

So, though it's possible that I woke up this morning even more tired than I did before the long weekend began, I'm marking this weekend down as quite successful.

it's a . . .

boy!

boy oh boy!

(looks like someone's gonna have to toughen up.)

seek, and you will find

We had our 18 week ultrasound yesterday. Joy to the world! Everything is perfect.

Baby's heart rate is perfect. Baby's weight is perfect. Baby's fluid, baby's kidneys, baby's bladder, baby's four-chambered heart---perfect! It wiggled on the screen as if to say, "Don't worry Mom! Look what I can do!" And then, so sweetly, it relaxed with one arm behind its head, and ankles crossed. We're giddy. So proud and so happy and so thankful.

We came home after the ultrasound and a supper out. We puttered around. Ryan changed out of his work clothes, and I put things in their place in the kitchen. And suddenly, I was crying. I felt so relieved, and so happy about our new baby, and so sad about the baby girl we lost.   Everything about that doctor's visit made me remember her all over again. It hits me hard and fast, when I realize that I'm still so sad about it all. I'm sad that her little sibling will never know her. I'm sad that she was sick, that she might have been hurting, and that I had no way of making it better. I'm sad that she died in my belly without me even knowing it was happening. I'll never not be sad.

But oh, I feel so blessed to have known her! I'm so thankful that I got to be her momma, even for just a short time, and that I was able to know her little life from start to finish. I'm thankful she's in heaven waiting for us, and that she has angels singing to her, since I can't do it myself.

And I'm so thankful for this new little life! It feels wonderful to be able to plan and dream again, without so much fear. The happiness of it all is still sinking in. We're going to have a baby! That's pretty cool.


p.s. Here's a secret: we know baby's gender! I'm trying to come up with a fun way to reveal the cute news. Stay tuned.

p.p.s. I wonder how many of my posts include the words, "I cried." Probably about half? Probably.

Happy Mother's Day to the woman who...

:: played classical music during my childhood nap times

:: fed me bowls full of whipped cream when I was a skeletal child

:: loves my husband like her own son, and remembers to tell him so

 :: makes the best darn beef roast this side of the Mississippi (and lasagna, and split pea soup, and beef stew, and . . .)

:: watched Laguna Beach with me in high school, instead of making me turn off MTV

:: is the only person I know who laughs harder than me at flatulence jokes.

:: still does my laundry when I come home

:: remembers to say that she has two granddaughters, one on earth and one in heaven

:: is the best example of a good, kind, happy wife and mother

Mom, you're wonderful.

I love you!

Happy Mother's Day.

(A day late. Because you also taught me that things like this don't always get out on time...)

16 weeks

Our story begins yesterday afternoon, at approximately 12:05pm, when I remembered I had scheduled my 16 week OB appointment at 12:15pm during Ryan's lunch hour that day. The problem was, I was still in my pajamas, and about to dig into a large bowl of soup. After quickly calling Ryan, and a minor meltdown, (OKAY FINE I CRIED) ((MY EMOTIONS)) I called the doctor's office to explain the situation. Turns out it wasn't a big deal at all -- my appointment was easily rescheduled for 3:00pm. Except the big deal is that I turn into a blubbering, floppy mess on appointment days, and it causes me to forget important things, like the actual appointment itself. Get yourself together, Amelia! is what I'm trying to remind myself. 

But what I'm really trying to do here is tell you about the appointment, because it went well! I'm measuring right on time, and that baby's heartbeat sounded so good. Those blasted nurses never let me listen long enough. And do you want to hear something divine? It was suggested unto me by the nurse that I begin eating about 300 more calories each day, to fatten up this goose of a baby. Later the doctor came in and said my weight was fine, and I should just eat what I feel like. I've decided to listen to them both: I feel like eating about 300 more calories per day, doc. I'm not taking any chances. I'd like a baby with extra thigh rolls, please. Observe:

(Of course I won't always be eating fast food to supplement my diet. Not always.)

Anyway, we're usually in quite the mood after hearing our sweet baby's heartbeat. Joy abounds! We do crazy things like this:

We're a pretty thankful family over here right now. Grow baby, grow!

Guest post at You Are My Fave! Hooray!

Hey guys! I'm over at You Are My Fave today with a guest post for Miss Melanie Blodgett, 

who just had a little baby boy!

(He's super adorable.)

I couldn't be more excited that she let me take up a little space on her fantastic blog. 

I mean, dudes! I'm feeling prettttty fancy today.

Check it out here! I'll show you how to make some wind-up paper butterflies, okay?

Thanks for the fun opportunity, Melanie! I'm honored.

And congratulations on your sweet boy. :)