7/2/12

this post contains Pocahontas lyrics.

I was flipping through the pictures on my phone recently, and ran across these photos again. 

I love 'em.

We were having a ball that night, feeling all giddy about this baby coming, and feeling confident that he would be healthy. And we're still giddy, and he is healthy.

But the reality of this little one is starting to kick in. Like most mothers-to-be, I think about it constantly. This is what my brain sounds like at all times:

"Is he okay? Oh he's kicking! Cute! Do I have enough onesies? What does he look like? What if he's colicky? Is he claustrophobic in there? OH CRAP, LABOR. How much fatter am I going to get? Is he okay in there? Cute, more kicking! What on earth is a nosefrida? I'm hungry. I'm emoooootionalll. I'M SO HOT. What if he sucks his thumb and gets buck teeth? I wish he'd come right now. No! I don't wish he'd come right now! More kicking! Aww. Baby, baby, baby, baby."

...

Do you see what I'm dealing with here?

More importantly, do you see what Ryan is dealing with here?

Which brings me to the point of this blog post: when I ran across the photos above, I started to worry about how things will be after this baby comes. Because, despite my baby-related hysteria, Ryan and I have a pretty good thing going on. We're really happy with our little life. We laugh a lot, we hug a lot, we do fun little things that make us happy to be husband and wife. So when I think about adding the scary, new, cluelessness of having a baby into the mix I think, whoa whoa, wait a minute Mr. Postman. I mean, I'm already a crazy pregnant lady. It'll probably only get worse once the baby arrives and I have to figure out how to keep him alive. I don't want it to get so bad that Ryan is afraid to come home from work every night.

The good thing is this: Ryan is steady. (As the steady beating druummm) ((there are your promised Pocahontas lyrics, thank you.)) Want to know how many times he's freaked out about having a baby? Zero. All he has to do is pat my knee and say, "Don't worry Amelia. The baby's fine. It's going to be fine," and my heart rate goes down, little by little. And, if I'm totally honest with myself, I know everything will be fine. I know it will be wonderful! I know that I have no idea how much we'll love this little boy. And based on the marriages of my sisters and parents, I'm fairly certain that the love between Ryan and I will only get better and stronger and happier. Even if I'm crazy.

Also, I'm going to take seriously the importance of date nights and a good babysitter. The end.

12 comments:

  1. You bet you'll be fine. That little boy has NO idea the loving parents he is being blessed with!! Get excited!! :) PS: I will babysit...ALL THE TIME!! :)

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  2. I would just like to second the babysitting availability...

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  3. I hope you start calling Ryan "Kokoum" from now on. Just for funsies.

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    1. OH MAN THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD. Fantastic idea.

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  4. You guys will be awesome parents, no worries!! :)

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    1. Thank you Kieren! You're always so sweet.

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  5. I just want to say that I had those same fears during my pregnancy. Here I was an insane, sensative, loopy woman... My normally optimistic attitude completely obliterated. The thought of adding a baby on top seemed impossible. Thankfully, there is a fog that creeps upon you during pregnancy. Within 2 days of my son, Ransom's birth I was walking around with a clearer head. My hormones leveled and life was brighter and more manageable than it had been in months. Even though he came unexpectedly early at 34 weeks and we spent time in the NICU for minor adjustments... Even with that my brain was better than before.

    I'm pretty sure pregnancy does a major toll on your hormones to where life is incomprehensible. I also think that perhaps its a first time baby thing. As if your body is so unsure of the process that it over compensates. With weight, hormones, emotions, brain activity... Etc.

    I just wanted to encourage you that while a baby is difficult and challenging, I would have it over pregnancy anyday (in my personal case anyhow)

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    1. Thank you! It's so good to hear encouraging thoughts about how things will go after the baby comes. I'm hearing more and more of it, and it's so refreshing.

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  6. i have had that mental thought process too although i don't know if i am having a boy or girl yet so add that to it.

    and my husbnad calms me down too and it is so nice, although i think sometimes he gets a bit freaked out inside ;)

    and i like to think having a family doesn't have to affect the relationships with our husbands and in a way it will make it so much better--but then i want to think that as an emotional sappy pregnant lady ;)

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    1. Ahh it's good to know I'm not alone. :) I can't imagine not knowing if it's a boy or girl yet though! You're strong!

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